I Will Never Take My Body for Granted Again
Written by Invictus Member Rachel Kahn

Growing up, my dad emphasized the importance of athleticism on a daily basis. He is a longtime Professor of Kinesiology at SDSU and a longtime runner so health and fitness mean everything to him. Soon, it meant everything to my older brother and me. We were both competitive soccer players headed for spots on the team in college and we both ran cross country. My mom has cycled everyday for the past thirty years. Being fit was in our blood. Every one of us thrived on competition and being the best. Now, I am the only one who is still competitive. All of my family is still very fit, but I am the only one who looks for opportunities to compete. 

Unfortunately, athleticism wasn’t the only thing that runs in our family. Food addiction does as well. I was always taught to counteract my battles with food with exercise. Unfortunately, I did not heed that advice for very long. I fell off the exercise train when I got a car at the beginning of eleventh grade. 

All of a sudden, I was going to all of these places that I had never been to growing up. Everything in my life had been controlled up to that point. I had been told what sports to play and what to eat. This was the first time that nobody was watching what I ate. I had no idea how to eat in moderation. It got to the point where I was getting fast food every night with limited exercise. By the end of eleventh grade, I could not run well anymore and I had reached 165 pounds on my 5’5 frame by the time I graduated high school in 2017. It only worsened when I went to college, as I had even more free rein with a meal plan. I was also going to In N Out on a nightly basis with my metabolically blessed friends. I completely forgot about my athletic tendencies and fell right into a sedentary trap. 

For the next two and a half years of college, I was miserable. I avoided mirrors whenever I walked by them and felt dread when all of the girls wanted to trade outfits for the next party. People still wanted to be friends with me and I didn’t know why because I hated who I had become and didn’t see any value because I was so overweight. By November 2019, I had reached 190 pounds. I looked at my friends and I made a promise to them that I was going to lose the weight once and for all. I wasn’t lying this time like I had 100s of times before. I went to the gym daily and could only walk for the first 20 pounds, but I got down to 170 pounds. Then I would run a half a mile here and a half mile there but I relied on a good diet to lose weight. 

By March 2020, I had successfully lost 65 pounds. I suddenly began to gain the confidence that I had lost four years prior. I could finally wear what I had always wanted to and I could look people in the eye without feeling apologetic for them having to look at my body. I was able to run again. But I knew that my fitness journey didn’t end there. In fact, I was just getting started.

By October, I was burnt out on running so much. I was questioning why I did it. I wasn’t fast, I wasn’t having fun, and it was painful. I decided to join CrossFit Invictus at the beginning of October and since then, my running has taken off. I can run eight miles without pause and I can run a mile in under 6 minutes. My strength has improved drastically under the coaching of some of the best people that I have ever come to know. Invictus has not only helped me with my fitness goals, but the people at Invictus have made me feel as though I am capable of anything. I am now cognizant of the connection between mind and body. Invictus is a special place that can turn great athletes into even better ones and more sedentary folks into fitness lovers. 

What drives me these days is the overpowering wish to be the best that I can be. Looking back on the time that I was overweight has made me realize many things, but one realization is more prevalent than others. We only get one body and for those of us who are fortunate enough to be able bodied should use it to the best of our ability. I will never take my body for granted again and I will forever be indebted to the friends, family, and coaches who have helped me realize my full potential.

Notify me of
oldest most voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Miles Matthews
Miles Matthews
December 19, 2020 3:02 am

After months of avoiding the mirror, I know what you are talking about. For me, my body is the result of regular work. And my goal is not to match any standards but to be the healthiest I can be. 
Rachel, you are a hero! 

Erik Trock
Erik Trock
December 4, 2020 7:33 pm

I’m proud of you in everything you’ve been, became, and are becoming, Rachel.

Scroll to Top